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How to Get a Man to Commit: 23 Relationship Tips From Steve Harvey

Avatar photo 7 years ago 14 minute read

Commitment is a big word, especially for men. Although there are women who are afraid of being tied up in a relationship, males are often the ones who are under so much heat when it comes to commitments. To the defense of the male population, some relationships may not be worth investing in, and it takes time to find the perfect partner.

If you have found the man you want to end up with and you want to clue him in that you want to be his choice, not an option, you can try to convince him. If you need some pointers on how to get a man to commit, here are 23 ways to make him realize how much he really wants you to be in his future.

1. Make the Relationship Commitment-Worthy

commitment-worthyIf a man doesn’t see the relationship worth investing in, chances are he won’t see the need to commit. You need to take a step back and see your relationship with honest eyes. If you have too many personal issues and you are not there for him all the time, he may not feel the need to commit.

If a man sees no future in a relationship, they would cut their losses and decide to break things off before they become too invested in it. If you want him to take the relationship seriously, you need to address your issues. Let him see why he wouldn’t want to miss the chance to have a future with you.

2. Allow Him to Chase After You

The thrill of the chase is one of the best things about being in a new relationship. Women may take the first step but letting a man chase after you remains to be an effective tactic. If you are always available to a man, he may take you for granted.

Allowing him to initiate communication, declining some of his invitations, and keeping out of his hair to live your life are quite effective in making him see that you are your own person. By showing him that he doesn’t have you wrapped around his fingers, he will be more inclined to seek for commitment in a relationship.

3. Don’t Assume Exclusivity Unless Both of You Agree That’s What You Want

datingIf you have been out in the dating arena, you should know that assuming is one of the biggest mistakes you can make. Even if you have been spending time with someone every day and you have a toothbrush at each other’s place, it doesn’t mean anything. This same principle applies to being exclusive.

Unless you and your man have talked about it and agreed not to see other people, don’t assume that you are the only woman in their life. On the same note, don’t impose exclusivity on him early on since it may not bring you any closer.

4. Show Him That He is Not the Only Alpha in the Block

There’s a reason why women like making men jealous. Aside from flattering their ego, it also helps them tell if a man is serious about them or not. This is actually in line with allowing a man to chase you and not going out exclusively right away. If a man wants you to be his girl, he should have enough resolve to seek for commitment.

However, if there’s more than one man in your life, you need to be honest about it although not too honest. If you are a serial date, you may also want to ask yourself if you are ready for commitment or if it is all a game to you.

5. Voice Want You Want, But Don’t Let Your Bruised Ego Do All the Talking

initiate the talk
Photo by Adam Jones / CC BY-SA


Communication is one of the biggest issues that couples face whether they have just started dating or have been married for decades. If you want someone to consider commitment, you should express how you feel about the subject. If you feel that it is time for “the talk,” then initiate the talk.

If you decide to do it don’t impose anything or be too needy. Defining the relationship can help you and the man you are dating so you’ll know where you stand. This also saves you from assuming a relationship when you are just a fling to him.

6. Embrace Emotional Honesty, But Don’t Be an Emotional Mess

Emotional honesty is not about hearing someone’s sob story. It’s about being forthright about how you feel about another person. When you are in a great relationship, you want to know if the feeling is mutual. In most cases; however, this can strike fear in the hearts of both men.

To address this intimacy issue, it is vital to be forthright about how you feel in the relationship. Throw your fears of being the vulnerable party. At the end of the day, it’s still more important to know if you have a future together or if all you will ever do is hang out.

7. Don’t Shun His Efforts Even If You Can Do Things Yourself

want to be neededMen may not want needy women but they want to be needed. This means that they want a woman who is capable of accepting what they can give. Being receptive to their need to protect and provide is one way to show him that you are worth committing, too.

Allowing a man to solve your problems even if you are capable of doing it is one way to show your love. If you are the type of person who seems to have a good grip on everything, a man could feel that he doesn’t have room in your life. If he feels this way, it could fuel his fear of committing to you.

8. Stop Obsessing Over Labels

How to get a man to commit? Steve Harvey suggests that women shouldn’t be too excited about giving the relationship a label. Given how the current generation seems to be allergic to the thought of calling a relationship what it is, it’s vital to know the signs but not necessarily push for a label.

While it is a good idea to talk things through if you want to define what your relationship is, you should go easy on placing labels. Putting pressure early on to what you have, even if it is something special could lead to its premature death. Instead look out for signs that you are going steady like seeing each other exclusively, being updated with each other’s activities, and getting to know someone’s friends and family.

9. Don’t Use Sex to Bring Him Closer to You

Using sex to get what you wantIn any relationship, sex happens to play a vital role. If you want a guy to come around and realize that you are someone they ought to commit to, the last tool you want to use is sex. Withholding sex to get a guy to commit is outright manipulative and not a good start to a healthy relationship. In the end, this could even backfire.

Learning how to get a man to marry you by baiting him with the idea of having sex is just like pushing him to commit to sex not to you. Using sex to get what you want in the relationship is acceptable at times, but there are cases where you should not use sex to get what you want, and commitment is one of those.

10. Be the Person Your Partner Was Attracted to Initially

Maintaining a healthy weight and taking care of yourself is vital if you want to keep your partner’s attentions. But remaining physically attractive should not be your only focus. You want to retain the qualities that caught your man’s attention.

This means that you should remain not only to be his girl but also his partner in crime. Doing adventurous things together is also vital to keep a relationship alive. You can open yourself to trying new things in the bedroom, if you have a low sex drive try to remedy it with a supplement like Provestra. Remember to be sure to consult your doctor first to see if taking it will not have any adverse effects on your health.

11. Allow Yourself to Be Vulnerable

getting hurtNo one wants to be vulnerable but if you want to be in a committed relationship, you should be open to the possibility of opening yourself to the change of getting hurt. You need to bare your feelings if you are exploring commitment. Being honest with your feelings is necessary which means that you should be open to getting hurt.

12. Don’t Try to Change Who He Is

Some people fall in love with someone with the intent of making a better version of that person. That is not what any person wants in a relationship. If you are exploring the idea of being in a committed relationship, you need to accept a person for who he is.

Of course, you can help a person become a better version of themselves, but you want to let them do it their own way at their own time. It would be great if you can support his endeavors, but if you are constantly molding your man to be a different person, commitment could be the last thing on his mind.

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13. You Should Never Resort to Issuing Ultimatums

disastrous relationshipIf you have to issue ultimatums to get him to commit to a relationship, you may end up hurting each other in the process. Anything done under duress is bound to blow up in your face. If you don’t want to end up with a disastrous relationship, you should avoid forcing someone’s hand. This should not even be on the list of the things to do if you want to learn how to get a man to commit.

14. Stop Playing Wife to a Man Who is Not Committed to You

There are instances when women go all out on a relationship. If you want to find a man who is willing to commit to the relationship, you don’t want to give everything away. If you are someone’s girlfriend, you don’t have to go out of your way and act like his wife.

Don’t treat a man like a husband unless he is willing to be that person. Learning how to get a man to marry you means that you should never let him receive all the benefits of a committed relationship. Otherwise, he could take you for granted knowing that you give him everything without forcing commitment.

15. Be a Mystery He Needs to Unravel

How to get a man to chase you? A bit of mystery could be the ingredient you need for that.

feminine things that men find attractiveMystery is one of those feminine things that men find attractive. Even if you share many things with your special someone, you still want to keep him curious about some things about you. This could heat things up and allow him to look forward to seeing you and spending more time with you.

For starters, let him guess what you are wearing. Sexy time aside, maintain a bit of distance and go to events without asking for his permission, you are not in a committed relationship after all.

16. Show Him You Are a Woman with Confidence

Men, the kind of man who is a keeper, don’t want a simpering miss. He wants someone who is confident enough to take control of her life. By showing him your confident side, he will see you in a sexier light and could imagine a future with you.

While men like taking care of things and reassuring their significant other, inferiority can kill passion. Plus, having a confident woman means tons of adventure in and out of bed.

17. Get His Friends and Family to Like You

friendsThe way to a guy’s heart is not necessarily through his stomach, it could be through the people he values, namely, his family and friends. Taking the effort to get these special to like you could make a man see a future with you.

By allowing yourself to get to know and genuinely like the people in his life who matter, he would look at you as wife material. Hence, this should be one of the ways on how to get a man to commit to marriage without being too blunt about it.

18. Do Not Nag Him to Commit to You

Nagging should be the last thing you want to do if you want someone to commit. If your mom resorted to this trick to get you to do any chores when you were a kid, you know how things often end up. Nagging is one of those things that kill a relationship, it would be better to sit down and talk if you want to define things.

If you want to know the secret to how to get a man to commit in long distance relationships, you need to give him enough space. When you are away from each other, there are more trials. Nagging and provoking arguments could spell the end of even the strongest relationships.

19. Show Him How Much You Appreciate Him

appreciate himDoubting whether a relationship is committing to because your partner seems to be taking you for granted is not just a girl thing, it is also a guy thing. Your man wants to know that you are grateful for what he is doing for you. It doesn’t need to be a grand “thank you” but you need to tell him and show him how much you value what he does. Throwing a reward by giving him more attention in bed might even make things more enjoyable.

20. Try Reverse Psychology; Learn How to Get a Man to Commit by Not Trying Too Hard

If you are fond of flea markets, you would be familiar of the technique where you have to walk away to get a better price for what you want to buy. This same concept can be applied to commitment. The more you pursue something relentlessly, the higher the likelihood that the other party would succumb. Sometimes, the best strategy is to keep your cool and act like it’s not a big deal whether you get what you want or not.

This piece of advice also works well for those who want to know the secret how to get a man to commit after a divorce. While this could backfire, it’s a good way to see whether your man sees commitment the way you do. If he couldn’t get a clue, you should think twice about wanting to be in a relationship with him.

21. Keep Pursuing Your Interests and Maintain Your Social Life

be happyYour world should not revolve around one person no matter how important that person is to you. You need to have separate interests and pursuits outside of the relationship. Allowing yourself to have this will make you more independent and attractive.

This also makes your man see that you can take care of yourself. Men are more likely to desire a woman if they know that that person is mature enough to be happy by on their own.

22. Welcome Relationship Conversation Openly

Although commitment may not seem to be in the cards at the moment, you want to be ready to have them when your man is prepared to have a serious talk about the future. Learning how to get a man to commit to a relationship may require subtlety but you also need to be ready to discuss things that matter.

Entering a committed relationship is a two-way street. You also need to be ready to deal with finances, family, and other matters that could have a serious bearing on the direction of your relationship. If you can’t make yourself deal with these issues yourself, you may not be as prepared as you think you are.

23. Learn the Ability to Unravel Your Own Feelings

If you want someone to be committed to a relationship, it’s easy to always blame the other person for your limbo status. However, it also bears asking if you are also the one to blame for being in a noncommittal relationship. The key to doing this is to know your real feelings.

committed to a relationshipOftentimes, people try to bury their genuine feelings about the things that happen to them for many reasons. You should stop doing this and instead, embrace how your feel. This will help you prevent bursting like a volcano and allow you to see things in a better light.

Wanting someone to desire commitment in a relationship can be a challenge. However, you can always employ ways on how to get a man to commit if you know how to make him want to have you in his future. Although these methods cannot guarantee a happy ending, it’s always worth giving it a try.

Commitment is a big step but if you are ready for it, you could be making the best decision in your life. So, don’t be afraid to love and look for something deeper in a relationship.