Have you seen the American Pie Reunion movie a few years ago? Do you remember the scene when one of the guys said that Jim Levenstein must be getting action all the time, since he was married? How about that beach scene when Michelle said to her friend from band camp that there hasn’t been much action in the Levenstein household?
Here’s the hard truth: getting married is no guarantee that you can have access to sex all the time.
Married life is different and believe it or not, even your sex life will be different.
In fact, there are a lot Jims and Michelles across the world who are in no-sex marriages.
Ask them when they’ve had sex and they can’t remember for the last God-knows-when-the-last-time-they-had-sex was. And don’t be surprised why the divorce rate continues to rise, too.
So, if you are among the Michelles who constantly say “no” to your husband every time he gives you a horny hug at night, then brace yourself. Your marriage may not yet be down the tubes, but it’s surely going there. And don’t even be surprised when you experience any of these relationship risks, because you always refuse to have sex with your husband.
Fine, you didn’t mention in your vows that you’ll have sex with your husband every day for as long as you both shall live. But isn’t that implied? That you shall fulfil all your marital obligations, including giving him the best sex of his life, or at least being intimate with each other on a regular basis?
A lot of men will say that the reason they look for “other women” is because they need to channel their sexual energy to something else when they are not getting some at home. Sure, adultery cannot and will never be justified.
It’s normal to think those cheating men must be punished to death. Still, constantly saying no and rejecting his sexual intentions will surely compromise your marriage and make it more vulnerable to all those daily temptations.
Even if he doesn’t cheat, he may not be happy living with you anymore. He may even resent you for the rest of your life. You don’t want to end up asking yourself all of the “what ifs” and “should haves,” do you?
Men are supposed to be tough. They should be your rock, a strong foundation of your marriage and family life. But that doesn’t mean men are not prone to emotional issues. Yes, they get hurt too, and they get hurt big time when you reject them in bed, or keep on saying you’re too tired, even when the kids are well-behaved and cooperative.
You may not notice, but every time you turn your husband down, you make him feel less loved and less wanted.
Men want to feel needed by their women, and they want to have sex with them most of the time.
While flowers and dinner dates translate to “I love you,” he needs sex to make you feel how much you mean to him. He needs to be intimate with you to be able to tell you how much he cares for you, adores you, loves you.
And if you say “no,” and “I’m too tired” to him all the time, he’ll get hurt – though you may not see it. And he’ll think you’re not attracted to him anymore. So, if you are having issues in bed, such as vaginal dryness or whatever drama it is that’s going on inside your body, tell him. This way, as a couple, you’ll be able to do something about it, instead of rejecting his sensual messages.
However, it can make your marriage more vulnerable and prone to temptation, especially when you are not doing anything about it.
Based on studies, sex can make your dopamines and endorphins, also known as happy hormones, go up. Hence, individuals who have a healthy sex life feel less depressed and report a higher level of marital satisfaction.
On the other hand, less sex may mean being trapped in an unhappy marriage. Sure, seeing another man and getting that passionate, sensual sex you’ve been dreaming of for the past few months may be out of your mind, but are you willing to stay in a marriage that is also starting to hurt you?
Although sexless marriage doesn’t necessarily equate to divorce, those who seldom have sex with their husbands are more likely to get a divorce – and statistics can prove that is fact.
So, you haven’t had sex for the longest time. You blame your job, your kids, his busy schedule and whatever so-called responsibilities you have in order to justify your lack of sex drive and why you’d rather sleep than do it with your husband.
Then you realized it has been a year since he last touched you and he didn’t have any advances to you since then and surprisingly, it did bother you.
Sure, sex may come around after talking about your issues or going on a vacation without the kids or just having some time alone. But are the odds ever in your favor? Sadly for many couples, it may be difficult to rekindle sex life once the marriage has been sexless for a very long time. There is a tendency that your husband might be afraid of hurt or rejection, since you’ve been constantly saying no for as long as he can remember.
There is also a tendency that your husband might be entirely apathetic to you. What do you expect? After saying “No” and “Honey, I’m tired” for the longest time, do you still think he can get his man up just at the thought of seeing you naked? Once you’ve established a pattern of non-communication, it might be difficult for you and your husband to talk again, especially about sex.
So you’re not religious. So what? For sure you still believe in the concept of Satan, or at least know what evil and hell are.
You know the story about the snake that induced Adam and Eve to get apple from the tree, right? Even if this is a mere fiction for many, that’s what Satan wants you to do.
And sadly, refusing to have sex with your husband is one of the evil things you can do in your entire existence – okay, that might be complete exaggeration but at least you get the picture.
Although you won’t necessarily go to hell, you are making your and your husband’s life like a living hell. You are cultivating an environment that can cause division between you and your man, screaming danger signs all over your home. You are inviting evil to come into your lives, because you are giving your husband a lot of reasons to think that you are no longer in love with him. Unless you don’t care, it’s not too late to do something about it.
According to psychotherapist and author of “Money, Sex and Kids,” Tina Tessina, intimacy is what keep you and your husband glued together.
You need intimacy and sex to nurture your connection to your spouse and you will be a lot happier when you have sex regularly.
Once sex leaves the marriage, the intimacy and connection start to crumble and sooner or later, the man you fell in love with and married years ago may seem like nothing more than a stranger to you.
So you might say, “Sex is just a small part of the whole marriage, one ingredient to keep the relationship work. Why is there so much emphasis on it?” That may be true. But remember, men and sex always go together.
It’s their way of showing their affection, aside from all the other things they do for you, of course. Just like anybody else, they need to share their feelings and their emotions. Without it, you are not giving your guy his ability to show what he has to offer.
To sum it all up, the no-sex marriage is not a very good place to hang out in. It is not intended to create fear and panic in you, but sex plays an important role in your married life. If you have been having issues down there, then consult a doctor and do something about it before it’s too late. Or at least involve your husband with what’s going on, so he’ll understand too, instead of just pushing him away.
Otherwise, you can try enhancement supplements that are specifically tailored for women.
And that’s not all. It helps you not just want sex or speed up your body arousal or increase vaginal lubrication – it can also make you enjoy sex even more, putting regular and pleasurable orgasms back. Be proactive and keep your marriage strong and pleasurable.