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10 Mysteries of the Elusive Female Orgasm

Avatar photo 9 years ago 4 minute read

For a long time, people ignored women’s sexuality. And, little was known about what it really took to please a woman and bring her to orgasm. Now that sex is a more open topic, information about that all-elusive female orgasm has been more widely spread.

Women everywhere can now rejoice. But still, there are many things that mystify men and women alike about the female orgasm that we would like to expel.

Here are just 10 of the many myths out there about a woman’s orgasm that simply aren’t true.

Myth #1 – I Felt the Earth Move Under My Feet

FeetThere is a myth that for women, an orgasm is this lift-altering and earth-shattering experience that every woman has, and that the woman is at fault if she can’t orgasm. That’s totally false.

There are actually plenty of women that have orgasms – but they don’t feel it.

For some they can actually feel the muscle contractions in their pelvis. However, for others, they will only feel a relaxing calm after being aroused.

So, even though they are climaxing and feeling the rush that comes from having sex, they may not have that dramatic reaction that gets touted as the ultimate orgasm experience.

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This doesn’t mean that they didn’t have a real or good orgasm. It just means that they experience it in a different way than other women do.

Myth #2 – Intercourse Is The Normal Way To Orgasm

While there is the generally held belief that women can orgasm the normal way through penetrative sex, only around 30 percent of women can actually orgasm during penetrative intercourse.

sex toy
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Another 30 percent of women can orgasm during intercourse, but they need a little help, whether by hand or a sex toy.

And, the last third of women cannot orgasm during intercourse at all. Thus, they need to get off manually or during oral stimulation. Some people tend to devaluate orgasms that don’t result by penetration. However, scientists have shown that all orgasms, regardless of how they are reached, are the same.

When you are with a woman, you can ask her which category she falls into. And, then work together to see what works to help her reach orgasm, whether it’s penetration or something else.

Myth #3 – You’re Frigid If You Can’t Orgasm

professionalBelieve it or not, there are women out there that have an inability to reach orgasm.

They have anorgasmia. It’s a medical issue that they are not in control of, no matter what they do.

People have said that those with the condition are frigid or that they have sexual issues because they can’t orgasm. They assert that these people simply choose not to orgasm, or that it’s a character defect.

In reality, sometimes it is a problem a woman is facing as a side effect of a medication she is taking, especially if it’s a recent problem. Or a woman many not know what certain sexual stimulation she needs to reach orgasm.

Sometimes it is because of trauma or experiences in earlier life. And, speaking to a professional may be the right thing to work through any mental blocks or issues that could be preventing orgasm.

Myth #4 – It’s a Man’s Fault if She Can’t Orgasm

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The myths about the female orgasm don’t just extend to asserted inadequacies in women – men get thrown into the mix, too.

One myth is that if a woman has difficulty or can’t achieve an orgasm, then it’s because the man isn’t doing something right.

While sometimes it really is because of a man’s inadequacies sexually, but there are several other elements to consider as well. A woman needs to communicate what she needs sexually. And, it’s important that she herself needs to know what gets her off in order to make sure that her needs are being taken care of.

And if she isn’t sure what she needs to do to get off, then experimenting with different things can be a fun and kinky way to let your sexual relationship blossom.

Myth #5 – No Orgasm, No Pleasure

during sex
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While an orgasm is nice and the ultimate goal during sex, it’s not true that a woman has to reach orgasm in order to enjoy her sexual experience.

Especially for women that have difficulty having an orgasm, many just enjoy the experience, foreplay and sensations she’s experiencing. And, it does not matter whether or not she actually has an orgasm.

Women also love the closeness and the intimacy that comes with sex in many cases. So, if she isn’t having an orgasm every time, then don’t sweat it. That may not be the most important thing to her when having sex.

Myth #6 – As You Get Older, You Stop Having Orgasms

get older
Photo by Ian MacKenzie / CC BY

There is a myth that as women get older, they lose the ability to have an orgasm. Or, it becomes more difficult for them to orgasm.

Honestly, age has very little to do with it, and women if every age can have struggles when trying to orgasm.

Medical conditions, medication or other issues can really be an issue that impedes orgasm. So, over time if a woman starts having difficulty, it’s not because of some birthday milestone. It’s more likely a medical issue that needs to be treated.

Her partner needs to be patient with her and work it out, not chalk it up to getting old. In